Don’t throw the towel out the window

When Kelly got up in the morning, she knew she had to have a shower and put on her school uniform before she went downstairs to have breakfast. After breakfast, she needed to brush her teeth and then she could watch cartoons until it was time for her to put her shoes on and go to school.

Kelly ate her breakfast and then put the TV on.

‘Kelly,’ her mum said. ‘Have you brushed your teeth?’

Kelly sighed ‘No, mum. Can I just watch this first?’

‘No, Kelly, go and brush your teeth.’

Kelly went upstairs and went into the bathroom. Her brother had left his wet towel right in the middle of the floor. Kelly stepped on it and her sock got all wet.

‘Ewwww! Stephen! You’ve left your towel on the floor again and my sock is all wet! Why don’t you ever pick up your towel?’

Stephen came in the bathroom and picked up his towel

‘Sorry, Kelly.’ He said.

‘Don’t do it again!’

Kelly brushed her teeth and then went back downstairs to watch TV.


The next morning, Kelly got up and had her shower. She put on her school uniform, went downstairs and turned the TV on.

‘Kelly’ her mum said ‘Have you had your breakfast?’

‘No mum,’ Kelly sighed. ‘Can I watch TV while I eat?’

‘No Kelly. You watch TV after you’ve brushed your teeth.’

Kelly turned off the TV, got her breakfast and then went upstairs to brush her teeth. She stepped on Stephen’s wet towel and her sock got all wet.

‘Ewww! Stephen!’ She shouted. Kelly was super mad now because her sock was all wet again. ‘Stephen why don’t you ever do what you are meant to do! I am going to throw your towel out of the window!’

‘Don’t do that! I’m sorry, I just forget’

Kelly brushed her teeth and went downstairs to watch TV.


The next morning, Kelly got up and had her shower. She put on her school uniform, went downstairs and got her breakfast. While she was waiting for her toast to cook, she turned the TV on.

‘Kelly, your toast is going to burn! What are you doing?’

‘Sorry mum!’ Kelly said, running into the kitchen to rescue her toast.

‘Were you watching TV?’

‘Yes, I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t do it again, Kelly.’ Her mum said.

Kelly ate her breakfast and then went upstairs to brush her teeth. She looked at the floor and saw that Stephen’s towel was on the floor. She picked it up and stood on the side of the bath, she opened the window and then threw the towel out of the window.

Kelly brushed her teeth and then went downstairs to watch TV.

‘Where’s my towel? Mum, have you seen my towel?’ Stephen shouted from upstairs.

‘Where did you leave it?’

‘I think I left it in the bathroom, I was just going to put it away.’

‘You should have put it away before,’ shouted Kelly.

Stephen ran downstairs.

‘What have you done to my towel?’

‘I put it outside to dry.’

Kelly laughed as Stephen ran outside to get his towel.

‘That wasn’t very kind, Kelly.’

‘He should do what he is meant to do. It’s annoying me that I have to tell him every day.’

‘Kelly, when are you meant to watch TV?’

‘After I brush my teeth’

‘How often do I have to tell you to brush your teeth or to eat your breakfast while you’re watching TV?’

Kelly didn’t answer.

‘Should I stop you watching TV in the morning?’

‘No, I promise I’ll do better.’

‘You need to try to forgive your brother more. Like I forgive you.’


Elvis the Rabbit

There once was a little rabbit called Elvis. Elvis lived in a large burrow under a tree in a big forest. Elvis lived with two big rabbits and a very tiny rabbit.

Elvis liked to go on adventures. Sometimes he would go to the meadow and play hide and seek with the dogs who were playing there. Sometimes he would climb to the top of the big hill and then roll all the way to the bottom. Sometimes Elvis would go to the lake and talk to all the fishes who lived there.

Elvis liked to tell the two big rabbits all about his adventures. Sometimes the big rabbits would say ‘wow, little rabbit, that sounds like a good adventure’ or they would say ‘you need to be careful, little rabbit, we don’t want you to get hurt’.

Sometimes the big rabbits would say ‘shush little rabbit, the tiny rabbit is asleep’ or they would say ‘tell me about it later, little rabbit. I’m very tired now.’

One day, Elvis had a really big adventure. He found a really big carrot and ran home quickly to show it to the big rabbits. But when he got home to the burrow under the tree, the big rabbits were not there. Elvis found a note on the table which said that the big rabbits had got to the shops and would be back soon.

Elvis sat outside of the burrow. He felt very sad because the big rabbits were not there and he had no one to tell his story to.

While Elvis was waiting, a large wolf walked past him. The big wolf stopped and looked at Elvis.

‘What’s wrong, little rabbit? You look sad.’

‘I found a big carrot but there is no one here to see it.’ Elvis sniffed, feeling very sorry for himself.

The large wolf looked at the carrot which was next to Elvis.

‘Wow, that is a big carrot. Why don’t you come with me and show my friends?’

Elvis looked up at the big wolf. The wolf smiled at him and Elvis thought that the big wolf would like to hear about his adventures. The wolf looked like he liked adventures too.

The wolf carried the carrot while they walked. Elvis told the wolf about some of his adventures and the wolf shared some of his adventures with Elvis. Elvis felt very lucky to have found someone to listen to his stories.

Elvis noticed that it was getting darker as they walked. He looked up and realised that the trees were growing very close together and blocking out the sun. Elvis started to feel a bit nervous. He had a funny feeling in his tummy and his hands were a bit shaky.

‘Where are we, Mr Wolf?’ Elvis asked.

‘We are almost at my friend’s house. They will be very happy to see you, little rabbit.’ The big wolf smiled again but this time Elvis didn’t like the way that the wolf looked. Elvis thought that maybe the wolf wasn’t a nice wolf after all.

Elvis’ legs were very shaky but Elvis didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to get home to the big burrow under the roots of a tree. He didn’t know anyone except the wolf in this part of the big forest. Elvis looked around and so didn’t see the roots of a tree sticking out of the ground. Elvis tripped over and banged the tree, making all the branches shake.

‘Are you ok, little rabbit?’ The wolf asked helping Elvis up.

‘What’s going on?’ Said an angry sounding voice from up in the branches of the tree. A large owl flew out of the tree to one of the lower branches. She looked at Elvis and then at the big wolf. ‘What are you doing with the big wolf, little rabbit?’

‘He is going to tell me and my friends all of his adventures. You go back to bed, Owl.’

The owl shook her head.

‘You need to go home, little rabbit. This big wolf likes to eat rabbits like you.’

‘Don’t you listen to the silly old owl, little rabbit. I have your carrot and you want to come with me don’t you?’ The big wolf asked.

Elvis shook his head.

‘I want to go home now, Mr Wolf.’

The big wolf laughed and held up the carrot.

‘I’m going to take this with me. You can come with me or you can go home by yourself.’ The big wolf started walking away.

Elvis watched him go and then looked up to the large owl.

‘I don’t know where I am or how to get home.’

‘Do you know how to get home from the lake?’ The owl asked.

Elvis nodded.

‘I can take you to the lake.’ The owl started flying next to Elvis, leading the way back to the lake. ‘You need to be safe, little rabbit. How did you feel when you were with the big wolf?’

‘I felt nervous and shaky.’

‘That is your body telling you that something isn’t right. You need to listen to your body. Sometimes you are in dangerous situations and you don’t really know that it is dangerous. When you feel like that you need to think about why your body thinks it is unsafe and then find a way to make things a bit safer.’

‘Like when I play hide and seek with the dogs? It’s scary but if I only play with two dogs then it is safe.’

‘That’s right. And if another dog joined you, what would you do?’

‘I’d go and find another adventure!’

The large owl smiled.

‘Adventures are lots of fun. I have my adventures when you are asleep.’

They got back to the lake and the large owl checked to make sure that Elvis knew how to get home. Elvis said thank you and then ran as fast as he could back to his home.

The big rabbits listened to his story and gave him big hugs.

‘You need to be careful, little rabbit.’ They said. ‘Adventures are fun but we need you to come home safely to tell us about them.’

Elvis promised that he would be careful during his next adventure.

Appreciating Doubt

‘Appreciate that doubt and questioning can also lead to spiritual growth and to a greater awareness of the Light that is in us all.’*

Often people talk about doubt as being the opposite of faith. If you have faith then there can be no room for doubt.

However, by denying doubt and questions we limit the depths of our faith. Faith that cannot deal with uncertainty isn’t faith that will support us through the uncertainty of life.

There was once a squirrel who believed that she had found the ultimate nut. Just one nut would sustain her throughout the entire winter. The other squirrels were busy collecting and burying nuts ready for the winter. They were amazed that the squirrel was not collecting any more nuts. They asked her ‘How do you know that that one nut is enough?’ The squirrel just smiled and shook her head. ‘I have faith. I only need the one nut.’

*The Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers) in Britain. Advices & queries (Kindle Location 64). The Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers) in Britain.

The Importance of Stories

There was a tv show where a man sat his children down and told them the story of how he met their mother. However, this was not just a short story it was a build up including all the important stories that made him the man he was when he met her.

Stories are important to people, stories help us understand what is really going on. Stories reveal truth to us and help us to understand concepts previously hidden from us.

Stories can change depending on who is hearing them and what people need to understand about the world. Cinderella used to have shoes made of fur, now they are glass. But the changes don’t make the story any less true.

There are many stories about floods. There were gods, or a God who looked down on the earth and saw the people. The people stopped worshipping the gods. or the God. The gods became hungry because no one was offering them sacrifices. The God became angry because everyone was sinful. They/He decided to send a floor to punish the world and start again. There was a man called Gilgamesh/Noah who built a giant boat and took two of each animal on it.

The stories are not important because they document historical fact. They are important because they show us who we were, what was important to us, and who we are.

Elf Watch

Sometimes I wonder about you. All of you who read this. I wonder if it makes any difference to your life. I wonder if the word is getting out. Every day when the ticker shows that new people have visited the site I worry that maybe this is becoming too popular. That it is becoming a new part of their plan. I read your comments and I know that some of you only read this because you think it’s funny. You think I am insane and you enjoy insulting me and mocking me in order to make yourselves feel good. However, I would warn you. Just because these things sound strange, just because you cannot see the things that are happening all around you doesn’t mean that it isn’t happening. Carbon monoxide can kill you without you even knowing there is a problem.

I understand that some of my posts seem a little out there, but that is exactly what they want you to think. After all ‘The greatest lie the Devil ever told was convincing the world that he didn’t exist.’ but we are not dealing with mere demons of hell. If we were everything would be a lot easier. The Devil is a tempter. He persuades you to do things you already want to do. He convinces you that the consequences of your actions will be profitable for you even when you know this is not the case. There are lots of books written about the Devil. There is dogma. There is theology. He is an understood enemy.

There is nothing written about the Lords and Ladies. There is no dogmatic understanding of how to deal with them. They are surrounded in myth. They are wrapped up in legends. Their origins are lost in time. They are hidden. They didn’t have to convince the world that they didn’t exist because the world already knows that they are nothing more than children’s stories.

And look what they have done to the children’s stories: they have changed the meanings of words; they have turned themselves into the good guys. You see them portrayed as the ‘people’ you want on your side when you are attempting to destroy a ring. When I mention them people conjure up images of sweet, little Peter Pan like creatures. They have glamour. They use it to make themselves glamorous.

No. Elves are not devils. They gently encourage you to find importance in things that don’t matter. They have turned nothing events into global news. They have made money by persuading you that you need to buy things that they make. You will read this and you will not understand but you will spend your money on things that they have told you that you need. They are the reason why half the world is starving and the other half is overweight. They are the reason why people believe that there are shoes that are worth hundreds of pounds. The reason why people believe they should spend all their money on ‘designer’ clothes.

Who are these designers? Who are these people who tell us that shoes and coats and make up are more important than people? There is only one word for who they are. Elves.

People as you read this, do not laugh, do not tune out your brains and think that you are reading the notes of an insane man. There are things in this world that you cannot see. There are things in this world that you do not want to see. There are things in this world that the elves do not want you to see. I am sure that this blog is just one of the things they hope to suppress. They also want to hide the inequalities of this world. They want to hide the injustices because they will not benefit if they are treated as mere mortals. They are not mere mortals. They never have been and you need to start seeing them for what they really are.

One of the comments on my last posts reads ‘Do you honestly want me to believe that there are some people wandering around controlling our thoughts and our actions? That sounds a bit too much like x-men to me. Are you sure you just haven’t been watching too many films?’

And the answer is no. I don’t want you to believe that there are people wandering around controlling your thoughts and actions. They are not controlling your thoughts. They are not Professor X. That would be crazy. I would be insane. Elves are far more subtle than that. For mind control to work they have to continue to control you because as soon as they stop you go back to your original thinking. What they elves have done is slowly infiltrated the social consciousness and changed the way everyone thinks. They have made the world believe that this way of thinking, this way of acting, is normal. If they all disappeared it would still take us an age to rediscover the true value of humanity. That is why we must push them out of our thoughts now. We must fight to rediscover what they have hidden from us.

Did you see the story on the news recently about the child who was run over and all those people just walked right by her? People were shocked by it. People always are. Did you read about that woman who killed herself and her daughter because they had suffered years of abuse from their neighbours and no one helped them? Would you have helped them? Would you have heard their cry of help and stopped their deaths? Or do you turn the television to mute when the charity adverts come on? Do you care that while you have been reading this blog and enjoying my insanity that people are dying because they are hungry? Because they don’t have access to clean water? What is so terrible is that in this world we do not have a food shortage. We have plenty of food. Each household throws away enough food to feed another family. Yet people die because of lack of food.

Wait! Did you hear the news? That singer/that movie star/ that woman who is famous for sleeping with some rock star has just had a baby/got divorced/got married/adopted an ‘orphan’/gained weight/ lost weight/ wore new clothes .

Wait! That’s not news. Why do we care? Why is it on tv? Why are there magazines dedicated to keeping us informed of all this nonsense? Does any of this actually matter? No, of course it doesn’t. These are all just ways of distracting us from the real needs of this world. Ways of keeping us focused on them so that they can grow stronger as we grow weaker until they have taken over and we are nothing but their devoted slaves.

Don’t you see how crazy it is? Even if you can’t see the fire, surely, you must feel the heat?

Some of you read these posts and you worry, like I worry, about what can be done to stop the elves. You ask me how we can fight against something that is the normal way of the world now. It is simple. Their power comes from the social consciousness, from groups. Group dynamics are very important to them. They need people to talk about them in order to keep them fresh in people’s minds. If people aren’t talking about them, then they die. So the way to end their rule is to ignore the stories they feed into us. Look at them and see them for what they really are! Name them. For in a name there is power. Do not get caught up in the lies they tell. Do not get taken over by their views of importance. Keep the truth in your minds. They are nothing. They are less than nothing. They are not important. They are elves. The stories are nothing but glamour. They are not terrific. They are terrifying. Do not emulate them. Do not buy into their lifestyles. When you are in a group and people discuss them, name them and shame them in public. Refuse to take part in the lies of elves.

For evil to win it simply requires good people to do nothing.


How to deal with people you don’t like

1) You could hit them with a stick. They wouldn’t like it and you might get some joy out of it. However, they are unlikely to become likeable just because you’ve beaten them up a bit.

2) Positive reinforcement tactics as seen in The Big Bang Theory and from Science. Whenever the person does something you like you reward them with say some chocolate. This should link the good behaviour with the treat and make them more likely to continue the good behaviours. However, the rewards need to be given quickly and often in order to reinforce the behaviour. This could be difficult if you are not always around the person. Perhaps, starting a positive reinforcement group to help to continue the rewards system.

3) Fight them, realise you are really quite similar, team up to destroy a bigger enemy as seen in Star Trek. Spock and Kirk hated each other and could not get on at all but after much, much fighting, they soon became the bestest of friends and fought together to destroy many space evils. However, if you fight in a public place you may just get into a lot of trouble before you can team up to destroy the bigger enemy. Also, you have to make sure that there is a bigger enemy in order to unite you.

4) Ignore them. Attempt to have absolutely nothing to do with them. Cut them out of your life. This works best when the person is voluntarily in your life. This is more difficult if the person is a work colleague or a neighbour.

5) Attempt to kill them with kindness. Everything they do, every horrible or dislikeable thing they do, just smile and be super overly friendly to them. Hopefully, this will lead to them realising that they are not getting you down and that when they act horribly they just look stupid. This is a long term method and may not lead to the person realising how sucky they are. However, it could lead to other people thinking you’re a really cool person and buying you chocolate.

6) Explain that they are acting inappropriately and that you really feel that they should stop it. Often the horrible person will not realise that what they have done is inappropriate. They may change. They may not but at least they know that you think they suck.

7) Dance to the music of Nsync. This always works.


Philip C. Davies held his breath. This time he wouldn’t be caught. This time he couldn’t be caught. This was his last chance. Failure would not be tolerated any longer.

The footsteps that had been making their way towards his current location suddenly stopped. Philip wondered, fearfully, whether he had been discovered. It was possible that they had heat seeking technology or x-ray vision. Perhaps, they already knew where he was and were just toying with him; luring him into a false sense of security before pouncing on him just before his final destination.

The footsteps moved away again.

Philip took a quiet, shallow breath and glanced at his watch.

OK. He was seven minutes in and already one and a half minutes behind where he should be. He needed to move.

Philip checked his watch again. Then looked behind him, back to where he had come from. He shuddered. He would not go back. He could not go back. This time he needed to get out.

He took a deep cleansing breath, quickly checked the corridor for movement and then set off. There were two left turns to manoeuvre before he reached the stairs to the ground floor.

Philip had seen plenty of action films. Plenty of escape dramas. He was unsure whether a left or right turn was considered more dangerous.

Obviously T-junctions were the worst. People came from all sort of crazy directions. Not really ‘crazy’ directions. They seemed to stick to one plane of reality around T-junctions. Philip had never seen a film where someone had travelled in time just to intercept someone at a T-junction as they tried to escape. They normally just came from the left, the right or from behind.


Philip checked the route he’d just come in case anyone was following him.

Stupid Philip!

When you turn around that’s when they spot you!

He spun back around to face the direction he was going. There were still no signs that he’d been spotted. He briefly wondered if it was a double bluff and if they really were behind him.

His hands were shaking. He was being stupid. If anyone saw him they wouldn’t follow him, silently. They’d shout at him to stop and call for backup if they felt it was necessary. Philip was the only one tiptoeing around.

He pressed himself as close to the wall as he could manage before checking the occupancy of the corridor on the other side of his first left turn. It was empty.

Philip quickly made his way towards the other end of the corridor. Just one more left turn and then he was at the stairs. It seemed more likely that the next corridor would be less deserted. And even if it was, he doubted it would stay deserted for his whole trip.

Philip glanced around the corner then dived back to his safe spot next to the wall as he heard a high pitched wail. A door, almost opposite him, was flung open and one of the life forms ran out into the corridor, screaming into a telecommunication device as it ran down the corridor. Philip didn’t understand the language but understood that this was a perfect distraction. The life form ran into the last room in the corridor, as the door slammed shut, Philip was already half way towards the stairs.

Philip slowed near to the door, made sure that no one was watching him and went slinking quietly down the stairs. He breathed deeply at the bottom of the staircase and took another look at his watch. Still behind time, but no matter, Philip could make up the time once he got out of this main building. Once he was outside, he could run. Run and pray that they would wait an extra minute for him.

The bottom of the stairs. Philip had gotten to this point in his escape before. The dangers from the corridor above seemed like nothing more than the threat of being stung by a bee considering the tank of sharks he was going to have to navigate through now.

Philip reconsidered. Tank of piranha. He was pretty sure that tanks of piranha were scarier than tanks of sharks. Maybe, it was like a tank of sharks and piranha. Maybe, the sharks would eat the piranha and not be hungry enough to want to eat Philip.

Philip frowned. He didn’t have the time or the knowledge to work out fish related similes.

The problem with the bottom of the stairs was that it was a T-junction. Hopefully, the disruption that had allowed him to manoeuvre the top of the stairs so easily would prevent anyone sneaking up behind him; although, the truth of the matter was, that anyone who glanced down the stairs would see him standing at the bottom. It was super important that he moved from this position.


The quickest way out of to the right – an almost straight path to the back door which was the closest to the sheds where his transportation was being stored and closest to the back gates where he was hoping he would be met. However, Philip had tried going right twice before and had always been caught. It was too busy that way at this time of night.


The left took him to the front entrance which meant that he had to loop around the outside of the building which would leave him exposed longer. But the route to the left was almost deserted. The lights were out and so he wouldn’t have to worry about light being cast out of the windows and making him easier to spot. Once he was out, he could just run.

He quickly glanced to the right, seeing if it was clear enough for him to make a straight run, he was behind time and going to the right was sure to help him make the pick up point on time. The area was flooded in light and shadows were being cast as people moved around.


He looked to the left; empty darkness. Philip checked the right again and then darted out to the left, quickly covering himself in the darkness. He moved quickly but carefully as his eyes adjusted to the lack of light. Philip’s hands moved in front of him making sure that he didn’t bump into anything and cause unnecessary noise that would alert people to his presence.


Philip frowned. The darkness was making his progress slow. He was already behind time and Philip knew he could run fast, but he wasn’t sure he was able to run fast enough to make up the time. It would be devastating if he made it to the gates only to find that he’d been left behind. They wouldn’t come back for him again. This was his last chance to prove that he wasn’t completely useless at this.


Maybe he was completely useless at this. Maybe he shouldn’t even be attempted this escape. There was bound to be someone else who could replace him.


He shook his head as he reached the door and quietly opened the drawer where the keys were held. Philip couldn’t afford negative thoughts. Escape was both necessary and possible. He wouldn’t just sit around until they decided it was appropriate for him to leave.


Philip drew the keys out carefully, smothering their slight jingle within his hands. He picked the right key and inserted it into the lock, turning it quietly and then replacing all the keys in the drawer. Philip checked behind him again. He twisted the handle and opened the door. It squeaked. Philip was expecting the noise, he’d heard it every day he had been there but even so it still scared him. Philip checked again that no one was watching him and then he slid into the cool darkness of the night.


The door slammed shut behind him. Philip swore. There was no doubt that someone had heard that. Philip ran. He ran as fast as he could past the main building towards the shed. Maybe if he got into the shadow of the shed before they got to the front door, maybe he’d be ok.


They were bound to check the rooms now though. To see who had escaped. If he missed the rendezvous there was no way he’d be able to sneak back inside without them knowing that he’d attempted escape.


Philip was still too exposed. All they had to do is turn on one of the perimeter lights and he’d be caught. He needed cover but couldn’t afford the time it would take to make the detour to the right where the trees would give him the shelter he needed. He glanced to the left but none of the lights had been switched on. Was it possible that they hadn’t heard the door slamming?


He managed to reach the shed where his transportation device was being kept. The door was stiff but it wasn’t locked. Philip was sure it wasn’t locked; it was never locked. It must just be stiff. He pulled harder and fell over as the door opened. The perimeter lights came on behind him and he scrambled into the darkness of the shed. He was going to get caught. He’d made it this far and he was going to get caught. All because of that stupid door. He was such an idiot.


Maybe he should just give himself up. If Philip went back only he’d get punished. If he kept running, if he headed out towards the gate he could lead those he was running from straight to those he was running to. There was a chance all of them would be captured, all of them punished and it would be worse than being thought a failure by people who had left you behind than thought a failure by people who were sharing the punishment with you.

He risked a look out of the shed down and realised all the perimeter lights had been turned off again. Was it possible that they hadn’t checked the rooms and found his empty? Was it a trap? Philip didn’t have time to consider this and grabbed his transportation device, manhandling it out of the shed.

He jumped onto it and powered up the device. It wasn’t the most sophisticated transportation device but Philip had had practice with it. He could make it keep up with the newer versions he know his peers outside of the gate would have. He sped towards the gate. A few seconds was all it took him to get within sight of it, to be able to spot the reflective stripes of the coolest transportation device he had ever seen. They were still there! He’d made it! He’d proved himself!

He skidded to a halt in front of the gate, dropped his transportation device and slid open the lock on the gate.

“You’re late,” The one on the coolest transportation device whispered. “We saw the lights come on. Thought they’d caught you again.”

Philip pushed his transportation device out of the gates, pulling them shut after him.

“Yeah, I thought they’d caught me too. I forgot that stupid front door slams shut. Come on, let’s get to the park before we miss the football game.”

The four boys rode off on their bikes, away from Philip’s house as he escaped from yet another grounding.